Winter Retreat '09

was exactly what I needed.

God refreshed me through the small group I was leading. I was reminded of how much I love discipling people and helping them grow stronger in their faith and hearing how God is working in their lives. Also, when you pour out, God fills you up again. Perhaps this past semester was not fulfilling partially because I didn't do any discipleship.

Also, it was nice just being around people I've known for so long. I felt like myself for the first time in a while.

And happy birthday, you know who you are.

What, I'm going home?

There's no closure. I feel like I'll still be going to finance and marketing class next week, and that final exams didn't cap off the semester. My mom called today and said, "I'll see you tomorrow!" which was very strange to hear since it still hasn't really hit me that I'll be gone from WashU for a month with no studying to do.

So to try to get me thinking about winter break, here are some things I look forward to.
- reading books for fun! (Outliers, Love is an Orientation, The Jesus I Never Knew)
- watching Hulu, HBO, and playing sudoku
- hanging out with my brother.
- Winter Retreat with ACCCN
- URBANA!
- having time to sit, think and reflect
- be still and listen
---------------------------------------------------------------
**On another note, WHAT?! Christmas is next week?!**

Cleaning

There's something about cleaning that is just so gratifying. Perhaps it is the feeling of accomplishment, or maybe the perception of order. Anyway, I clean when I'm stressed and have time.

It is funny to see what kind of things that are left laying around. If these things are not dealt with at the moment, they can easily be forgotten and left to rot. For instance, my mom bought me this massive loaf of bread to take for the drive after Thanksgiving. It has been on our shelf for three weeks now and white fuzz colonies have grown on the bread. Also, there are these apples, pears and oranges that I found on top of our refrigerator. They were starting to mold and ferment and were soft to the touch. Needless to say, I threw all that away. I wiped the table tops and fabreezed the room. Much much better.

To look at this metaphorically, there are issues in our lives that we leave unattended. Perhaps a broken relationship, selfish tendencies, different sin issues... whatever it may be, if we don't deal with it as soon as possible, the more likely it will be forgotten and left to rot and ferment. There is no fruit in doing this, but only decay. It'll eat you up.

And Jesus is the cleaner, who comes to take our nastiness and throw it away, to clean us up, and leave us with His beautiful aroma.

Sudoku Fix

Heh heh.

Now that I finished my finals for the week, I let myself play some sudoku and I got my best time of 4.28 minutes! Ah, sweet release.

What I've realized this week is that I have addictive tendencies. Staying away from Sudoku was ridiculously hard. But thanks to friends who can keep me accountable, I abstained from the number puzzle.

I love my family

I got an email from my mom today suggesting...

"How about we skip the Christmas gifts for each other and save money and donate to a cause? It's $144 pledge for the whole family. This money will be enough to support a whole family for their food in one year."

I'm so proud of my mom for suggesting this. I'm really excited. She's right, we've been blessed with everything that we need. Instead of buying gifts that we really do not need and spending hours thinking of what to get each other, we can give something to people who are in need of necessities.

Kingdom for the win!

Financial Responsibility

We're called to live a life surrendered to God. Last year after reading the book Kingdom Come by Allen Wakabayashi, I gained more perspective on what that looked like. Since then, I've been trying to actively surrender different areas of my life under His Lordship. It's saying, "God, I haven't been using these things for your Kingdom, but for my own purposes. Now I want to give back to you what you've bestowed to me."

There is one school of thought where everything should change at once. I suppose it could in an ideal world. However, I'm just going to take it slowly and intentionally focus on one or two areas at a time and do it well. (Not to say that by the time I move onto the next area that the previous areas will look Holy or anything, but I'm trying.)

Areas I've worked on:
- Time Management: how to be a good student and leave time for relationships
- Academics/Career: how to use my professional career to bring God's righteousness, ethics, grace and mercy to the world

Current Areas:
- Bible in a year: be fed by the Word of God
- Diet: how to glorify God with the things I eat (Vegetarian)
- Financial Responsibility: how to use my resources wisely (budgeting)

Next Phase: TBD
I'll figure that out later, either for a New Year's Resolution or for whenever. It's most likely something relating to exercise. I recently read the passage where our body is the temple of God. I realize, I don't really treat my body like a temple of God! Don't rest well by sleeping enough. Don't exercise. Eat crap. So that's definitely one area of my life that I could improve.

More posts later on how things have been with how the Kingdom has been playing a part in those areas of my life.

Sudoku

could also be the ruin of me. I'm addicted.

Expectations

Where the hell do I get my expectations from?

They'll be the ruin of me.

God help me to see clearly...

Why I'm a Vegetarian

So in these past few hours since Katie left her comment (hi Katie!) correcting that the eggs we eat aren't fertilized, I was much relieved but decided to do some more research. While Googling "chicken eggs," I stumbled across this website.

www.eggindustry.com

When you have five minutes, consider watching this video. It is slightly disturbing, but bearable. Most of all, it is informative.

Mass produced chicken in a nutshell:
- stuck in cages, no room to walk. sit on top of each other
- Chicken have never stretched out their wings
- They pee and poop on each other (cages from above)
- Loses its feathers. (splotchy balding)
- Their heads, wings, or feet can easily get stuck in the cage. Left to die of other hens stepping, clawing, and pecking at it. Or it dies of starvation and thirst since it can't move.
- The eggs aren't sanitary. They touch the rotting hen corpses.

They are a means to an end, the egg.

So as you may know, near the end of the summer, I decided to try out being a vegetarian for a year. The reasons I began were slightly naive, but as time progresses, my reasons for staying a vegetarian are solidifying.

After watching this clip, it confirms one reason that I am a vegetarian. Jeremy, you mentioned that animal rights was a paradox, which is true. So just to clarify, I am okay with the actual final killing and eating of an animal. I do believe that God provided animals as resources for us to eat, like how He provided trees for us to build with. However, God wanted us to be good stewards of His resources. These chicken have never seen natural light! They live a rotten life, literally. I believe that while they are alive, they should not suffer when it can be prevented. I honestly don't think this is what it was created to be.

What's the original reason I became a vegetarian? It's somewhere along the same lines.

ISAIAH 11:6-9
6 The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling [a] together;
and a little child will lead them.

7 The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.

8 The infant will play near the hole of the cobra,
and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest.

9 They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea.

I was reading this passage that is talking about what the Kingdom of Heaven should look like and what it will look like. Basically, natural prey and predators will be at peace. There will be no fear and destruction, but peace and harmony. If as Christians we are supposed to bring qualities of the Kingdom to earth, then perhaps I shouldn't eat meat.

An Biblical argument against this would be more of a legalistic thing. After all, God and Jesus in the New Testament straight up tell the disciples they won't be considered unclean by what they eat. "Kill and eat... do not call anything impure that God has made clean." (Acts 10:13-15), Jesus declares all food clean (Mark 7:19).

However my argument for that is "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." (1 Cor 10:23). So yeah, we CAN do anything, but it doesn't mean what we do is for good.

So in the end, I'm still a vegetarian because its one way of restoring what the world was created to be. I do eat seafood though, because they aren't abused as much and there aren't very many vegetarian options in the world yet.

Thanksgiving Break

On the drive back up from Atlanta, I learned that eggs are real chicken babies. That was a life changing moment. Now I feel bad for eating eggs. I always thought they were unfertilized eggs, kinda like how girls just have periods. That's why I didn't feel bad eating them (now that I think about it, that's kinda a gross idea too). But its like eating an-almost fetus! Sigh... I don't know if I'll be able to cut down on eggs though.

On another note, people, I'm back.

Snapshots

My prefrosh, a family friend, arrived at the airport this morning at 10am. That was the beginning of today's adventure. Some snapshots from today.

10:40am - Wowed at the ability for artists to be able to depict different textures in their portraits such as lace, velvet and silk at the Art Museum. Saw a hilarious relic with the feet of Jesus floating in the air showing he was being taken up into heaven.

12:07am - Bathed in the warm sun next to the lake and watched the ducks as we ate at the Boathouse in Forest Park for brunch.

2:46pm - Witnessed a cheetah trying to cough out a hairball at the St. Louis Zoo. Then heard the zebras braying.

3:41pm - Bought a cup of bubble tea from the loop.

3:50pm Admired the talent of jewelry and handbag artisans in an art gallery on the loop. Whale earrings... so adorable.

4:13pm - Saw a HUGE Totoro stuffed animal at Starclipper the comic book store :) But was sad when I looked at the price tag :(

4:25pm - Contemplated buying a winter hat from Avalon Exchange, previously known as Rag-O-Rama. Prefrosh bought Sperry's for $15.

4:45pm - Found hilarious random objects at Pheonix Rising, such as bacon band-aids.

4:54pm - Sampled pistachio and cheesecake flavored FroYo then ran away.

5:11pm - Tried on cute headbands and big sunglasses at Tantrum boutique.

7:19pm - Enjoyed samosas, naan, veggie fritters and lentil momo dumplings at Everest Cafe with wonderful company. Saw God perform a miracle.

Twas a great day. Now I'm exhausted.

What A Man

At the check out at Walmart, there was a 4-quart SAE 5W-20 Pennzoil Motor Oil, oil filter, and 6 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade on the conveyor belt. It was mine. I looked at my purchases and thought "Wow, I feel like a man." (First time buying alcohol! It is for a friend's 21st bday present.)

I spent the morning learning how to change my car oil, thanks to the help of Dennis. After putting my car on a tire ramp, we drained the oil and went to Walmart to buy the correct oil and filter. Then we got back and changed the filter, closed the drain, and poured in the new oil. Voila! It took about 1.5 hrs, which was longer than we expected, but it was a fun morning learning new skills. Perhaps I can help with auto ministry at New City Workday next time ;)

Words of Wisdom

"God's love for you never changes. His hate for sin also never changes. If you understand how great His love is, you wouldn't want to sin to hurt Him." -Eric Y.

I've always known the first sentence. But hearing that God's hate for sin never changes phrased like that was epic. I feel like the church today preaches love and grace, which is undeniable, but God does not change - He is the same God as the God of the Old Testament. Yeah, the one that has the earth swallow people up. The one that sends down pillars of fire. The one that wiped out cities because of their oppressive systems. God cannot tolerate sin. But at the same time, He's the same God of the Old Testament that accepted Rahab the prostitute as part of the line of Jesus. The God of Jacob, a screw up. The God of David who impregnated Bathsheba and murdered her husband, and also had David be in the line of Jesus. His justice and mercy blows me away.

"Watch His eyes. You'll know where to go and what to do if you follow where He looks." -Sharie C.

I went to Harambee's Visions Gospel Choir concert last night and saw Sharie from City Lights there. Every time I talk to her, she's filled with kindness and warmth and immediately speaks into me. How does she know what to say?! Certainly the Holy Spirit uses her. Now to figure out where He's looking...

Hi, I'm Martha

I need to stop Doing and just Be.
-----------------------------------
I over analyze way too much. Just live.

Shocker

No puedo creerlo.

Autumn Beauty

WWIII?

Thanks to my friend whose parents work for Johnson and Johnson, I was able to get a free bottle of Aveeno hydrating body wash with fig and shea butter. It looks milky, feels silky, and smells delicious. Man, my skin feels so soft right now.

I recommend it.

On a much more random note, I bumped into an old friend of mine on the way back to the South 40, and she asked how being a vegetarian was going and other small talk. A few minutes later, she went on mentioning how she distrusts the the FDA and the government, which led to her theorizing that WWIII was coming soon since that's the best way to create jobs with this current economy. She advised that I go buy and stock up on a week's worth of food and water.

Granted, she admitted that she could be going crazy, and I'm not sure I buy into this whole thing, but listening to her talk about doomsday made me realize that yeah, our future on earth is unpredictable. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. And life will not always be hunky dory.

Although, if we get nuked anytime soon, at least my skin will be nice and soft thanks to Aveeno.

Forever is a long time

"Unwavering faith does not mean we won't doubt HOW God delivers His promise, it is knowing that God WILL deliver His promise." - Pastor Barry
-------------------------------
I was sharing with a friend back home of all the amazing things God is doing in the lives of recent converts at WashU. She praised God and said, "and how you pour yourself on them changes eternity :)"

That hit me pretty hard. What I do can affect a person's life FOREVER. Eternity. sideways 8. (Granted yes, God does all the work but uses us as instruments).

Wow. That changes a lot. The things that I hold onto so dearly now pales in comparison to the idea of more people being in life giving relationships with God for a long long long long time.

Possible transactions:

• Giving up one hour of studying to talk to a friend about Jesus ---> Eternity of understanding God's mysteries

• Giving up $10 at Forever 21 and buying a hot meal for the homeless ---> Eternity of being Fed and all the possessions I could want

• Giving up a life of hiding in my single and reaching out ---> Eternity of belonging and community

I really gotta stop being so selfish and controlling of my time and resources.
-----------------------------------------
Memo to self:
Joy, it is okay to doubt whether the hour spent with a non-Christian was worth less studying time. It is okay to doubt whether the money you gave to a stranger will actually be spent towards food.

But do not doubt the power of God to use you as a vessel. Just obey. He WILL deliver His promise.

Mas puntos para Missouri

Did not take advantage of the extra hour of sleep from Daylight Savings time.. instead, I watched many episodes of The Office, which I normally don't watch.

Did you know that Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office) grew up in St. Louis? Yeah, she went to an all-girl's Catholic school in Webster Groves and went to Truman State.

AND Brad Pitt went to Mizzou.

Absolutely disgusting

Police find 6 bodies in rapist's Cleveland home

It continues to amaze me how wicked humans can be. You know something isn't right with the world when you read stuff like this in the news. One of my friends commented the other day "I don't think the world is messed up, I think it's pretty good." What?! Are you kidding me. I don't know how he can read stuff like this, think of the Holocaust and genocide in Rwanda and Uganda and not say this world is filled with evil.

Seriously, the more I think about it, God has all his commandments for a reason: for our well being as individuals and as a society. Do not murder, do not steal, do not lie, do not covet your neighbors wife, honor your parents...

New City's messages have consistently been "As Christians, our purpose is to bring God's righteousness to earth." And how do we do that? Just obey his commandments! To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We're in a war folks. It is a war between sin and righteousness.

Encouragement

To be blunt, switching over to blogspot and following other brothers and sisters in Christ has been one of the most encouraging things ever. I'm especially encouraged by the new Christians. It continues to blow me away how much they've grown (even within a year) and to watch their love and passion for God. They know and believe the truth because they went and searched for the truth, whereas people who grew up in the church were brainwashed to repeat "the truth" but may not have taken hold of it themselves. To see people really understand and cling to God's grace and cry out for deliverance and humility is so awesome. You guys encourage me, for reals. Praise God, praise God.

Racism still present

Some of our senior class went on a senior class trip to Chicago for Fall Break. On the final night, the senior class went to Mother's Original Bar, where six African-American students were denied entry into the bar because their "clothes were baggy," violating the dress code. They offered to go back to the hotel to change, but the bar said they still would not be admitted. Then they decided to do an experiment (WashU would...), by exchanging pants with a white classmate. The shorter and skinnier white classmate got in with the baggy jeans with no problem, clearly showing that the issue wasn't about the dress code but about race.



http://us.cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2009/10/26/nr.dress.code.racism.cnn

So many exciting things happen at WashU. Vice-presidential debate 2008. Now this...

Relient K Concert

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made
And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can't ask You to give what You already gave

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

Um, wow. That was a great concert at the Pageant tonight. Relient K was engaging, hilarious, down to earth, creative. Some of my favorite parts of the night was when they started playing "Five. Five dollar. Five door footlooong." :D Also, they did a cover for Under the Sea from Little Mermaid, which was freaking amazing. And of course, they sang all my favorite songs of theirs: High of 75, Which to bury us or the hatchet, Be My Escape, and Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Barcelona who opened for them is also really good. I'm a fan.
http://www.myspace.com/barcelona

Lights also opened. She's a bit more synthetic, which isn't my style, but definitely talented.
http://www.myspace.com/lights

Overall... Friends + Delicious Thai Food + Good Music = Great night

Vine and the branch

Elizabeth English, our area staff director, spoke at ACF today on the topic of "How do we stay connected and be refreshed by God?" Simply put, talk with God, engage in scripture, and be deep in prayer, aka do quiet time.

"Sometimes, you have no time for quiet time because you are too busy with doing God's work." This has been a chronic problem of mine. I am a do-er. And an extrovert. So I'm almost always doing something... planning ACF, conversing with people, school work... and I sacrifice quiet time for getting more sleep or doing more homework.

There's a story of a rebellious branch that decided it would be much better off apart from the vine. The branch wanted to be independent of the vine, but what can a branch do apart from the vine? A branch that is disconnected will never grow leaves again or bear any more fruit. The rebellious branch is cutting itself off from the source of its life and heading towards death.

"It is like a baby in the uterus that hacks off the umbilical cord because it is annoying. It will die without the nutrients from the mother, its source of life!"

God, I want a deeper and richer relationship with you where I am actually faithful to you. This means going on dates with you again, and calling you at least once a day, and not just talking and demanding stuff from you, but also listening to what you have to say. I don't want to be a dead branch, I want to be alive and well and blooming with fruits of the Spirit.

Overflow Bible Study: James

Today I checked out an Overflow Bible study for the second time (first time was from the summer), and it was really really good. They have been going through James, and today we were studying James 2:14-26. So many times tonight I saw things in a new light or was reminded of certain things that made me say "wow, that was epic."

Epic moments:
1. "You believe that God is one; good. Even the demons believe - and shudder!" Just believing in the existence of God is not enough! Even the demons believe that Jesus is the Son of God and acknowledge his power and existence, but that does not mean they work for God's Kingdom. Goes to show the importance of bringing God's righteousness to this world as Christians.

2. "So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." Doing works actually helps rejuvenate our faith and prevents it from becoming stale.

3. Abraham's claim to faith was that he believed that God's promise of giving him too many descendants to count. But God tests Abraham's belief in that exact promise by asking Abraham to sacrifice his only son (that he had at a very old age), so if he did, then it physically would not be possible to have ANY descendants. His faith was proven by his works and he was considered Righteous.

4. Rahab the non-Jewish prostitute also pronounced her faith in God and follows with action. The obedience of the people is unambiguous evidence that they believe the promise.

On a lighter note, it was interesting to still see the Asian-American culture at work in the Overflow small group... meaning there would be long awkward silences when nobody would share. Haha, oh Asians.

Pew Pew

It's like *bam!* phew.

... then *babam*

Fall Break 09

Friday:
- Crepes brunch with Jean Kung and sharing the stories of the Holy Spirit moving in our region
- Sky Zone with ACF. Jumping on a gigantic trampoline floor while playing dodgeball. Little kids at a birthday party watching and cheering.
- Spades with my recent spades partner Ingold. Yay team We Won.

Saturday:
- Hanging out with freshman floormates: Pumpkins, toilet paper and cupcakery. Driving with a bike in the back seat. Lunch of scrambled eggs with onions and lamb sausage (no meat for me), chocolate chip pancakes made with kefir cultured milk, sweet potato milkshake (sweet potatoes, cinnamon, orange and soy milk), baked spaghetti squash seeds, and strawberry yogurt with pomegranate seeds. Yum.
- Shopping at West County mall with Connie, Lily and Jimmy. Forever 21=new favorite store.
- Corn Mazing in Illinois with One Voice and ACF. The adventure of getting lost driving there and back. S'mores and apple cider. Watching Drea freak out in the haunted maze. Uncle Bill's late night breakfast :)

What a long and exciting and exhausting day. Phew! I love Fall break...

A good start to Fall Break

Spontaneous worship jam session. Ultimate Ninja. Cartwheels and Dr. Horrible sing-along-songs. :D

Fall Conference 09

Personally, this weekend was kind of rough for me. It started with when we first arrived at Camp Mihaska. After my passengers had taken all their bags out of the trunk, I realized that I forgot to bring my luggage with my clothes and toiletries! I felt so stupid and vulnerable. Thankfully, my ACF community was supportive and gracious to me. The girls lent me a t-shirt, socks, shampoo and soap, and one of the guys drove me to Walmart to buy the only thing I couldn't share (underwear). This experience definitely taught me that I really have to trust God and His providence... and to learn to admit that I am weak and that I need help.

Next, my camera broke. It was in my bag but the bag tumbled out of the chair and must've damaged the camera internally. The camera is still able to take pictures, but the autofocus goes crazy and I'm not able to view my LCD screen. I died a little inside. My precious baby that I had worked so hard for my senior year of high school is now handicapped. What I learned from these two situations is that all that I have belongs to God. He has the right to give and take things away... I can't really call anything my own. So, I really need to use the resources God has blessed me with for His Kingdom and not just for myself. Also, he uses these things to test my faith and also for Him to prove His faithfulness.

But besides that, this weekend was really good bonding time for ACFers. We tossed a lot of frisbee, played this ridiculous game of mini putt putt with human obstacles, and had good small group time. God thank you for answering our prayers of bringing us closer together as a community.

A few things that stuck out to me:
- Sometimes we have fears when it comes to missions. But fear is being trapped by the enemy. It is okay to be afraid, but don't let it rule you. Let Jesus, who is victorious over sin and death, rule you.
- Death is retirement for a Christian. We have a long party after we die with a feast served by God himself. Our job now is to serve and love other people.
- Our mission is unpredictable. Can't tell us what it is, when or where it is. We just have to go through the next door in our life.

Prayers

This month I've been seeing God answer many prayers, reminding me of His faithfulness. Reconciling friendships. Stepping in to unify us. Humbling the proud. Stretching time for me to get my studying done. He's so so good.

Last year, I prayed that three people would come to accept Christ. Eric accepted Christ at our first praise night, and Haejun and Melody accepted at Fall Conference last year. I wonder what I should pray for this year at Fall Conference.

Prayer requests:
- Road trip: safety, good bonding time, not getting lost
- Speaker: for his messages to resonate deeply in our hearts
- WashU IV: build cross-fellowship relationships, be passionate in applying what we learned back to campus and actually doing it
- Myself: that I may rest in Him and be filled.

Excitement

Our annual Intervarsity Fall Conference begins Friday. I'm getting really excited thinking about the road trip there, being at a retreat center, not having to worry about school, bonding with ACFers, spending good quality time with Jesus, and just learning and reflecting on God's blessings and calling for our lives. *squeals with excitement* Friday, come faster!

Goodness

Yesu akiwa enzini
mambo sawa sawa.
When the Lord is on the throne
things are already better.

Wrath

The sky flashes followed by a crackleBOOM a second later. The storm is getting closer... I walked faster with my umbrella praying that I would not be hit by lighting. The lighting on the beach scene from Home Sweet Alabama was playing in mind.

For the first time in awhile, I feared for my life. At that moment, with God potentially releasing His wrath around me, I realized how small and powerless I was. I am at the mercy of God and mother nature. All I could do was pray for God to have mercy on me.

There must be toros in the atmosphere.

Good morning starshine! The earth says hello!

I naturally woke up at 8:30 today to a strange chilliness that I haven't felt in half a year. Gosh, its cold! My semi-dependable friend weather.com said its 54 degrees F this morning in St. Louis. I demand my warm weather back.

In the meantime, I need to rummage through my storage to find my wool blanket and hoodies. Brr.

Giving it up

This morning I had breakfast with a friend who was saying how she wasn't a morning person. "Joy, I wake up hating the world. But I've learned that once I find myself complaining or angry I lift those up to God and repent right when it happens."

It's so simple. Yet, I realize that I haven't been doing this. Instead, I've been harboring my bitterness and frustration with people for a few days before I address the problem. Perhaps if I take her advice my heart would be in a better condition.

Lord, I'm sick of studying and want to be with people right now. Help me to do things well where I am right now and to focus on where you've placed me at the moment.

Daily musings on life...

Spontaneously, I've decided to switch over from photoblog.com to here. Spontaneous like how I became a vegetarian...

Anyway, we were going over Romans 1-3 today at New City and three quotes from pastor Barry stick out to me that I want to share.

"The main way God pours out his wrath on people is giving people over into their own sin along with all the destruction that comes with it."

"Depression is a very rational reaction to the destruction of sin in the world."

"What hope do we have in great darkness? Righteousness is coming."