Lies

These past few days, my head has been filled with lies. Lies that I'm not good enough, desired enough, capable enough.

Then David talked about Samson & how he had the spirit of strength in him that he was strong enough to rip a lion's jaw in half. Like ripping a sheet of paper. Imagine what you can do by having the power of the Holy Spirit on you. And we need the Holy Spirit because Satan is roaming the earth like a lion, seeking people to devour and destroy.

One of those people was me. But Holy Spirit, I pray that you would anoint me with wisdom to discern those lies, rip them up, and hear truth.

I really do make you happy, God.

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On another Fusion note, worship also spoke out so loudly today.

Many of my friends are getting engaged & planning their weddings already. That's bizzare to think about, but I guess it's been making me think about romantic relationships a lot lately. Like, a LOT. And I've been trying to think of what kind of guy would be good for me - but whatever I come up with, I can never find in real life among the guys in my life. Nobody can meet my expectations.

Then worship came on:

He is faithful to the end

He is faithful to my heart

He is faithful to the end

He will come and marry me

(Jesus is Faithful to the End - Cory Asbury)

I can't find what I'm looking for because only Jesus can be that person for me. Not that he will literally come and marry me, but the idea that Jesus has bound himself in a covenant relationship with me (like marriage) & that He will always be faithful. And that our hearts can resonate with each other and seek God and his Kingdom. That there's no way He can't not meet my expectations. So reassuring & satisfying.

I realized that my ridiculous expectations weren't meant for humans, they were meant for God. Time to be more realistic with my expectations from people & myself.

Knocking down my Idol

Fusion really convicted me of something tonight.

It started with us singing " as the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for you." And that became the cry of everyone in the room.

Pastor Johnson began talking about how we look for things in our lives to satisfy us, whether it be porn, boys/girls, food, etc - but these things can never fully satisfy. What we really need is to be satisfied in God, and that we would be filled & satisfied with spiritual food.

Yes, I've heard this countless of times, but it really strung a chord in my heart tonight. Lately, I've become such a foodie with my facebook food blog and all, I've come to criticize everything that I order and eat. Food has become the thing that I live for, but my body has become increasingly less satisfied with what I'm eating.

Then it dawned on me that food has sadly become my idol. It took a higher priority than God. And I need to change that. So from now on, I forbid myself to eat out unless I've done my devos & Bible reading for that day. In addition, each time I go out to eat, it needs to bring glory to God in some way.

Chipping

Had golf lesson 2 out of 6 yesterday! This time, we learned how to chip the ball from off the green (rough patches of grass) back onto the green. For this, we used either a 6 iron, P, or 7 iron, depending on the distance we needed to go.

1. Keep the ball on the inside of your right heel.

2. Line up the club so that the flat of the iron faces the hole.

3. Put your weight on your left leg and lean to the left.

4. Keep your left arm straight and lead the swing with your left wrist.

I think my golf skills have gotten worse since the last time. Maybe it is because I've been practicing putting in my brother's room where the carpet is perfectly flat. Now I don't know how to hit on grass or when it is hilly. Fail.

Another memo to self: do not go to the gym to work out your leg muscles right before going to golf. Because when you bend your knees, they will shake.

Chef Wang

After a whole summer's worth of being an amateur food critic and posting my food blog album on facebook, I've realized that I can't properly be a food critic unless I know a little something about cooking.

Last week while buying groceries, I picked up the latest issue of EveryDay with Rachael Ray (food magazine) with lots of pretty pictures of summertime dishes and recipes.

After much deliberation, my brother and I decided to attempt the End-of-Summer Chicken Milanese and Mushroom Straw and Hay Pasta. The End-of-Summer Chicken Milanese is essentially breaded chicken breast topped with corn, tomato and onion relish. The Mushroom Straw and Hay pasta gets it name from the green spinach fettuccine and yellow egg fettuccine that look like staw and hay. However, the real flavor in this dish comes from the marsala sauce and porcini & portabella mushrooms.

Let me tell you, we were a wreck in the kitchen! We kept dropping things on the floor, spilling things on ourselves, and messing up left and right. But in the end, we had a finished product! We cooked a little too much pasta for the amount of sauce we had, so the pasta wasn't as flavorful as we would have liked. However, that chicken dish was THE BOMB. Really impressed myself with that one haha.

Lessons learned in the kitchen:

1. Don't cut the stems of thyme too - just use the leaves.


2. I have a fear of portabella gills.


3. When breading chicken, don't just plop the chicken in the flour. Gently place it there, otherwise flour will blow everywhere.


4. Use more spinach than you think you'll need.


5. If you're feeding 4 people, don't cook 8 servings worth of pasta.

Putting

I had golf lesson 1 out of 6 yesterday, and we learned how to putt!

1. The ball should be lined up to the inside of your left foot.
2. While standing, bend your knees and place eyes directly over the ball.

3. Grip the club palm to palm - I prefer right hand over left.

4. Tilt the top of the club to the left.

5. Keep elbows to your side.

6. Rock shoulders side to side to swing.

7. Finally, don't look to see if you hit the ball in - it'll affect your swing. Keep your eyes down, and listen to hear if your ball went into the hole.

The instructor was pretty good and said I was a natural putter. Cool :) Now I want to go mini-putt putting!

Chosen

After two months of internal conflict, I've decided on a church. My primary church will be ACCCN, the Chinese church that I grew up in. But on Wednesdays, I'll still be going to Fusion.

After Shocco, our youth retreat, I was reminded of my love for the youth in our church and helping them grow in their relationship with God. Plus, they trust me and look up to me. Also, one of my original intentions for going to a multicultural church is that I could comfortably invite co-workers to church if they aren't Asian. Luckily, both my boss and my mentor at work are Christians, so our co-workers could go with them to their churches.

This past Friday, I talked to our youth director and told him I wanted to sign up to be a counselor at youth group. Right after I did, I wondered if my decision was the right one. And when I first walked into the sanctuary and saw a sea of young faces I didn't recognize, I freaked out. But once we broke up into small groups, I loved being a counselor for them again, and the rest of the night confirmed my decision.

However, ACCCN still lacks a young adults ministry, and that's been a big issue on my heart lately. Maybe I should start a young adults Bible study or Sunday school if I can find enough of us. Anyway, for the time being, Fusion will be the place where I can find that community and get the feeding that I need.

I'm pretty at peace with my decision, and pray that God may really bless it.